Yes. I am very angry at my mom. I am forty years old and am suffering from depression. Why? Because I am angry at my mom. I believe my mom caused it without wanting or knowing.
I lived a very dark childhood. It was OK and better till I was ten. But after that everything went down the drain. My parents started fighting and I became even more invisible.
I haven't seen my mom for the past few months other than minor occasions. But I am trying and struggling to get her out of my head.
The Mother's Day is approaching. It is May 8. My mom and my son's birth day is on may ten. We have celebrated this whole thing together since she moved close by.
I dread this time of the year. It supposed to be the best time of MY life. I brought my son from the hospital on may 12. He was my Mother's Day gift. We wanted another baby and when we found him being ready to be abandoned in the hospital, that was our dream come true. Yes this is when We adopted my son.
But guess what. Since my mom moved here and lives ten minutes from us, she stole that time from me making it all about herself. I understand that it is her birthday and Mother's Day weekend. But I want my own life back. I want to be the mom that is celebrated. I want to celebrate my son's birth day for him. I want my own family. I Want it to be about my family. Not about her as usual.
Couple of years ago, we decided to go to San Francisco for Mother's Day along with another family friends( One of my best friends) My friend's mom is suffering from Alzheimer's disease. We all got in to my mini van and drove there. It was nice and we walked around and we had a good time.
Later on, we encountered one of those street artists that paints something with spray. They painted futuristic planets with many moons. My friend's daughter wanted to buy one. She was around eleven years old. Her parents paid the ten dollar price and bought one for her. My daughter that was nine at the time also asked for one. During that time we were in middle of decluttering and minimizing our life. We were getting ready to of lose our home and lose our business . The stress was huge. We were downsizing.
I said no to my daughter. I explained to her the reasons.
1. It was pack with chemicals and very unhealthy for my kid's bedroom.
2. It would end up as another junk in our home that we would need to get rid of .
3. It was a waste of ten dollars for something that was not practical nor needed.
4. My daughter needed to understand that she should not get everything others get just because.
5. My daughter needed to value the money and buy only things she truly loved or needed.
6. She sometimes need to get used to hearing "No" . It was important for me to educate her correctly.
So I explained to her that we can go farther and she can pay the same money to buy a pair of earrings that she would enjoy and use.
Mom mom started to interfere and grabbed one and handed it to my daughter saying she will be paying for it. I told my mom that it is a No. I said please let me deal with this. When my daughter saw that my mom is taking her side, she started crying loud. The whole thing changed in to a fiesta. My daughter crying upset . My mom fighting with me very upset in the middle of street trying to convince me to buy one. I was very frustrated. My husband was stuck in the middle. Our friends kept a distance waiting for us to solve this problem. Seeing my daughter's tear truly broke my heart and made me feel like a monster. My mom made me feel and look like a monster.
My mom went and bought one to give to my daughter. I said no. I was very upset and decided to fight. I didn't want to give up specially now that my daughter was crying loud. I didn't want her o learn that she can get whatever she wants with crying for it.
We went to the car to live the parking lot. Suddenly my mom opened the door and left the car. Through the painting in the garbage can and started smoking in the side of street with shaking hands. What a show.
We waited till she got back and left. On our way back, my friend was talking quietly with me about how she sometimes felt hurt, because she was the one that took care of her sick mother, but her mother gave her a very hard time and she kept mentioning her brother being there for her. My friend was venting about the unfairness of this situation . She was feeling hurt that she noticed her mother lover her brother more.
My mom heard this conversation and started defending my friend's mom. She said "yes, you mom might pay more attention to your brother. But she counts more on you. When she needs someone, it is always you that she lungs on. For example I spent more time on my other kids and paid more attention to them, because it is their fault and they were more demanding. But I know that if I ever get old and needy, this one daughter (me) will be the only one that I can count on for taking care of me.
She was mentioning it in a way that my friend should be proud that her mother needs her, not her brother.
I said, I don't think this is a compliment. I think it is not fair for the other children to have the best care, but the poor person that was more mature, because she had no other choice and was forced to take care of herself, has to be responsible to care care of that elderly parent while the others are living comfortably.
My mother insisted that I don't understand that fact that she might baby her other children more, but I am he first choice for her old days since I am the most responsible.
Long story short, the whole Mother's Day gathering turned to a very bitter and bad experience because I said no to my daughter.
Later on I was talking to my sister and she said she needed to talk to me. She said my mom called her and complained about me. My mom told her that I ruined the Mother's Day for her. That I was not considering her feelings and it was her day. I should have let it go for her sake. She felt that I did it to ruin her day.
I explained to my sister that it was not my intention to ruin her day. I just simply said no to my nine years old daughter for buying a piece of chemical packed paper. Plus, it was my day too. In case she forgot , I am a mother too. She should have let me deal with my kid and not make it all about her. It
had nothing to do with her and she shouldn't take it personal.
I dread the Mother's Day every year now. Because my mom changed the most beautiful time of the
year for me in one of the most stressful times of the year. I just wish I was out of town or lived far far away from her and her selfish irritations.
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